Stochastic Memory

Unemployment

Sep 7, 04:31 AM

I’ve somewhat neglected my website for a few month and a few weeks now. Not that I don’t want to finish the design for the Portfolio and Art section, don’t get me wrong, I do want to finish those… I’ve been busy looking for a job.

For the past four months, I’ve been going to Long Beach with my friends to feed the homeless under the 7th street bridge. In-between the ministry on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’ve been “online,” filling out applications, calling offices, and building my website.

Things I’ve learned about being unemployed:

• Spiritually, I became much more reliant on God to provide means for me to get through these days. For some people, the anxiety of eventually running out of money would smother them into a panic. I, on the other hand, was going out and about doing good, not for my sake but for the sake of others who needed it. This period of time gave me the chance to reflect on my life and not be selfish towards my neighbor.
• Never become idle. When I wasn’t doing anything I became both restless and lazy. It was the frustration of wanting to do more. When I realized this, I occupied my time with activities and job applications.
• Financially, I was poor. I had enough money to last me two months of bills. Two months sounded like enough time to look for a job… having enough savings to overestimate unemployment time is something I wish I thought about. On the other hand, being poor made me value what I have more. Another aspect of this was realizing the consumerist culture we have here in Orange County, of wanting more and better things. There were many times when compulsive buying was strictly prohibited for me, it taught me not to be a compulsive consumer.
• I need to look for a job that somewhat fulfills my niche. The previous company I’ve worked for had great people working there. They were humorous and very family like. I enjoyed their company because of the knowledge they had about the products they provided and all the processes that it took to manufacture and deliver these goods. I was there doing mostly clerical work 95% of the time. I couldn’t stand it. I realize that I was way more fulfilled at a previous job I had a year ago, working for a print shop that produced great work. I was a pre-press operator… it fulfilled my niche.

There are times when I just miss working. I’ve never felt controlled by the comfort of money until I didn’t have any of it. Financial freedom is something worth investing in but it shouldn’t be my highest priority. I’ve heard the phrases, “there’s much more to life than money,” and “money can’t bring you happiness.” As idealistic as those may sound, those statements are true and I can attest to them.

The Other Half

I’m 21, I still live with my parents, I have the greatest siblings and friends. As they somewhat carried the weight of my burdens, in different aspects of it, I dealt with the anxiety of trying hard to carry the weight on my own. It wasn’t until the money I saved up ran out, that I became much more reliant on God and the people around me.

The reality is, financially, the burden on my family became unbearable. I’ve been patient in my “job hunt.” Doing the best I can, looking out for desperation, having a clear intent in mind… I can only hope that I do better the next time around.

This whole thing has been a leap of faith, and so far, I do feel God’s work being done in me. It brings happiness and heartache, now faith isn’t as illogical as it seemed years ago.

I know that once I get a new job, I may not be feeding the homeless in Long Beach, I may not be able to see my friends as often as I did, I’ll be tired on days I want to go out and have fun, and I’ll just be busy. (And many other things.) But there’s more to life than living it nonchalantly in faith, there’s also responsibility.

Responsibility is the largest thing I’ve come to know in all this. When this thought comes to mind, “it’s really weird how it all works out…” I know it’s God’s doing, because I know that I have no control over the situation. I realize that responsibility kicks in when there’s a specific action I have to take in order to do the right thing. I have to do the right thing and get a job.

Patience

As much as I knew in my mind that I wanted to have a job, I needed to have a job… I was praying for God’s providence. I found myself waiting and questioning God, “Why not yet? Why do I not have a job yet?” Waiting is much harder when you don’t know what’s going to happen next. When the only control you have is finding prospective employers, filling out applications, and making great impressions in interviews. It gets hard to wait for the improbable. You tend to lose hope after thirty applications, five interviews, and just not having work to do. When the only worth you have is to your friends and family.

Patience is a virtue that is learned through trial.

I was hoping on God to provide. I was hoping for God to provide just anything and I’d take it. Just humbled because everything I’ve tried to do to get a job, just didn’t work. The longest I’ve gone before this five month jobless season was two weeks. So I waited and sometimes pleaded in prayer. Patience is a virtue that is learned through trial.

God provided a job, recently. It’s the most unimaginable thing that has happened in my life so far. Just amazing. I wrote this article on August 27, 2008 and felt that it was unfinished. I feel that it is now.